The great deep freeze

So lately the entire country has been hanging out together in a deep freezer. Really. It’s cold outside! I will admit others are far worse off than us — our lows haven’t been in the  -20s but we’ve had wind chills that low.

So, I searched Google Images and came up with some ideas to stay warm. Though, many of them, I’m not sure you really should try at home.

Disclaimer: Do NOT try most of these at home! I repeat do not. 

1. Hibernate beside a bear. Mind you, you might not survive this one. So, you might think about this one twice before actually trying it.

2. Build a fire in your backyard and camp around it. Ok, so this one is a pretty good idea. But you might want to check with city codes if you live in the city.

3. Stand outside, put your head in your mittens and cry. Um, this one is not exactly productive, but at least with your face in your mittens your tears might not freeze. Or maybe they will. I don’t know. I haven’t tested this theory. Let’s just move on.

4. Get one of these. Really, please. And make sure you email me a photo of yourself so I can post all about you. If you’re a co-worker, I’d love it if you came to work wearing these. We’d love to ridicule you on Facebook. Kidding. Or am I? Wear one and you’ll find out!

5. If you’re still desperate to get warm, you could always do what Stuntman Joe did — though I’d leave this to the professionals or you’ll end up in the burn unit, or worse. Wait, wait, just do NOT try this one at all.

By the way, this guy stayed lit for almost six minutes! But, again. DO NOT DO THIS!

“Austrian Joe Toedtling, 33, managed to walk around the streets of Aalzburg burning for five minutes and 41 seconds before the heat became unbearable.

He was set on fire by his wife Julia, and he said: ‘She always knows how to get me hot, so she was the obvious choice for turning up the heat on this stunt.'”

You can read the full article here.